Memoirs of a Fat Girl

Friends, my decorating life has gotten a tiny inch easier. I have committed myself and made the purchase of the hour: a coffee table. It's a very nice coffee table, too, and best of all, I got it on SALE.

I have a sudden flurry to see my place all polished and pimped out, and here's the 411: Vicki, my friend, tenant and fellow bridesmaid, has gone off on African safari, and has returned the keys to my loft. It is empty, it is free, it is mine. Furthermore, we've just had news that a tiny slew of relatives will be coming down for Oli's wedding in September, and I am obliged to play hostess.

Do you know what this means? It means I have a rather truncated time schedule in which I must turn my little box into an eden. A spanking new contemporary loft, with just a touch of old world class.

Old world French class. First I wanted an Indian twist, a Buddha here or there. Then I thought, straight contemporary is the way to go. If anything, it's the easiest. Until I started watching the Home & Garden Network.

If you want to add some spice to your life or totally confuse yourself with a multitude of new ideas, watch some decorating shows. I guarantee your life will become all that much more complicated in the most beautiful way. I was perfectly happy doing what everyone else was doing before the Home & Garden Network came into my life: stainless steel appliances, brown everything else. And while I still have plenty of brown (can't help it, love the stuff), I want some heres and theres that will make my space come to life.

Interior design is such fire. If you're not an artist and can admit as such, decorating is your way to be one. Take me, for instance. The only way I can draw a hand is to trace my own on a piece of paper, then add some nails and knuckle creases. Even then, it always looks stupid. With decorating though, your home is your canvas. Pick a style, research some colours, and you may wind up pleasantly surprised.

For the most part, I've been pleasantly surprised. So far. I've done the "accent wall" thing and painted half my place a really, really deep chocolate brown by the name of Ebony Velvet. I'm in love with the colour. All not Ebony Velvet walls are Feather, a white with the teensiest dark orchid tinge. My bathroom has deep blue tile with white walls, about to be changed. and my den is a baby blue by the name of Blue Jacket.

At first I was enamoured with Blue Jacket, but I've decided that the jacket is out of season. I want the room pinstriped - stay tuned.

And here's the furniture I have so far - a gigantic, light brown ultrasuede sectional, and my bed. Espresso coloured wood with a chocolate brown ultrasuede headboard. I don't have a thing for ultrasuede, but then it does look nice. I promise, no more. My funky little antique armoire that I told you about awhile ago, and now add to that collection my pretty new coffee table: Back to my coffee table: two tier, meaning there's a level underneath to stack plenty of junk (books in my case), dark brown wood all, and the top overed in black leather. Less than half price for being a floor model, which I think is just swell.

My little vintagey French hotel touches? A white shag rug, a really old typewriter that I got at a garage sale years ago, a gorgeous astrolabe, a tiny little chandelier made of brushed brass and crystal beads, some old laundry signs to go on the bathroom door, and a handful of black and white photos I bought years ago on the Charles Bridge.

Charming. Thus far. It makes me nostalgic for Paris, minus the smell of cat pee.

I don't know how this will all work. It could be incredible, it could be recipe for disaster. I love uncertainty, don't you?