Handling your Breakup, Day 2

Eat a healthy breakfast. In that healthy breakfast is a boiled egg. Avoid smearing it all over dumbass' picture. You would rather eat the egg.

Speaking of his picture, realize you still have too much of his essence lying around. Perform The Great Purge. One big box, everything left of his thrown inside. That's right, thrown. Don't care if anything breaks.

Erase all his e-mail, delete all his contact info, and get rid of his messages you have saved on voicemail. Even the one where he blows you kisses. If this is hard to do, play background music for better distraction.

Listen to "So Much for my Happy Ending" by Avril Lavigne. Cry if you have to. Listen to "Ex-Girlfriend" by No Doubt. Ponder dyeing your hair pink and throwing him out a window.

Wish you had a punching bag. Settle for pushups. Should you still require violence, break an ugly dish.

Clean your bathroom. Use brute force. Admire clean bathroom.

Shower. Use the special expensive Australian shower gel you were saving. You were saving it to smell good for him. You smell good for yourself now. You smell like sorbet.

Watch another movie. Watch Must Love Dogs. Debate the chances of spending your life eating dinner standing over the sink. In the dark. Alone.

Wonder why the fuck you care so much about being alone. You don't need a man. You are Wonder Woman!

Listen to Diane's Lane character say, "He stopped loving me. I don't know what I did or didn't do. He just stopped."

This hits too close to home. Cry.

Watch the happy ending. It's corny. Hollywood is corny.

Daydream about first kisses.