Memoirs of a Fat Girl

Today's phone conversation with my sister:

Oli: Okay, I've gone ahead and booked that pedicure place for me, you, the other bridesmaids, the mothers and overseas girl cousins for the day before the wedding. We have the option of food at a small extra cost per person, per platter.

Me: Yeah, they had some pretty good sounding stuff for group parties, what were they again?

Oli: Vegetables and dip, fruit, apples and caramel sauce, mini quiche, spring rolls, hummus and pita, caprese salad skewers, and rosemary crispbread with hot artichoke parmesan dip.

Me: My vote is on the rosemary arti-parma bob.

Oli: Yeah, that sounds really good. Should I have two platters instead of just one?

Me: Variety is the spice of life, and they're not expensive.

Oli: Okay, so what would you like besides the rosemary crispbread then? Pick one, whatever you want.

Me: You can never go wrong with mini quiche.

Oli: Yeah, but I don't want to have two carby platters.

Me: But that's the only other one I really like. You said I could pick whatever I wanted.

Oli: Choose another and I promise we'll take that one.

Me: Okay, the spring rolls.

Oli: Oh not that one. I don't know if they'll be to everyone's taste, especially our European cousins.

Me: They're cultured girls, they'll be fine.

Oli: Still, we can't do the spring rolls.

Me: But you said...

Oli: Pick just one more and I promise we'll take it.

Me: The hummus!

Oli: Are you crazy? Do you want everyone to be gassy at the wedding?

Me: They won't be force fed bean puree for crying out loud, it's just a bit of hummus!

Oli: No hummus. I was thinking...

Me: What were you thinking, Oli...

Oli: The vegetable platter with dip.

Me: But that's so heinously boring.

Oli: EVERYONE likes vegetables, you can't go wrong.

Me: That's what I said about the mini quiche.

Oli: So do you like the vegetable platter then?

Me: Well I really wanted the quiche...

Oli: The vegetable platter it is! That's the perfect choice, sis, I'm so glad you came up with it! Now we have to pick some drinks. I'll read you the list and you pick two of whatever you want.

Me: How about you pick two of whatever YOU want.

Oli: Don't be silly, these choices are all about you! Okay, here's the list...

Me: (sigh)