Memoirs of a Fat Girl

Dear Lancey,

Just a quick note, ma petite chou, to thank you for the gorgeous haircut. As I write this, I'm tossing my chocolately chestnut curls from side to side, admiring the bounce and chi chi of it all.

I will admit that I slightly panicked when I realized it was shorter than usual, but the bounce factor is there and it flatters very nicely. Applause. I will also admit that when you told me about the "cool bleach thing" you'd be doing in lieu of highlights, I envisioned you pouring a cup of Javex onto my head and was tempted to scram. However, the funky effect that your creative splatters made are most SoHo. Well done.

As for other interesting moments, I will also confess I was completely shocked when you straddled my lap while washing my hair, then dug your hands into my scalp and moaned, "Ohhhhh YES!" for the entire salon to hear. Very When Harry met Sally. Because you caught me completely off guard, I don't remember if that was before or after you planted that gigantic kiss on my lips. Was it as good for you as it was for me?

In short, the trip was a complete success in style and comedy value, and you can count on my continued visits.

Sincerely and very cordially,

Me

P.S.: Oli told me that once you kissed her as well. Are you into sisters?

P.P.S: Give me some warning next time, poopsy, and I'll slip you some tongue.

P.P.P.S: Oli, if you're reading this, and it's about bloody time you did, thanks for the gift. I had no idea it was you calling the salon to pay for my entire visit. You're the best sister in the world, and did you ever know that you're my hero? You're everything I would like to be?

P.P.P.P.S: I only quoted that song 'cause I know you can't stand it. Yeah, well, you're a dumbass too. Much love always, darling.