Memoirs of a Fat Girl

Dear Lancey,

Although I've already written you to express my thanks and gratitude for this gorgeous new hairstyle, I've received so many compliments of late and worn my hair down so often, I felt the need for just another quick note.

Why just today, in fact, when I was stuck in a godforsaken part of town with my mother and a flat tire, I noticed thugs and gangster wannabes from all walks of life appreciating my beautiful hair as it blew in the wind.

I got a "Wussup, wussup!" or two, and even a "Girl, you so fine," as I madly dialed and swore at Nissan and CAA. I suppose the look greatly complimented my yelling and colourful language.

In addition, I noticed the tow truck driver winking at me as he installed the spare. My word, man, you've made me irresistible! In godforsaken parts, at least.

I am beyond convinced of your scalp prowess. Count on me to refer friends near and far for, "The Lance Touch."

Divinely yours,

Me.

P.S.: Next time I really, really get to squeeze your tight ass.

Note to Self: My fabulousness is limited if I'm just another stranded, helpless girl screaming into my cell phone. Learn how to change a flat.