Memoirs of a Fat Girl

Weddings are expensive business. They are also a pain in the ass. I always knew this, but I have a whole new level of appreciation and disgust for the matrimonial road since my sister has been quicksanded in Bridal Everything. Still not official, and would you two get on it already?? The dress has been ordered, planner is on alert, guest list completed and centrepieces chosen. Okay, I was understanding for the first while because the ring is being custom made and isn't done just yet, but ever since you found out the stone is being flown in from India (aren't we special) and will take longer than planned, couldn't you just pop something out of a vending machine to wear for now?

Breathe. Count to ten. Not a bitter sister, not a bitter sister, not a bitter sister. Nah I'm not bitter, Oli has waited for a long time and deserves her happiness. It's just gotten to the point where when she comes home sticking her hand out, radiant in engagement bliss, we'll all just smile quietly and say, "That's nice, dear." No bombs here, cause the element of surprise is kinda sorta gone.

Oli and me have never had "The Dream" of a perfect wedding, but we always knew that we would be each others' Maids of Honour. First mate, second in command, second most glorious girl of the day. Sure wish I'd thought, at the age of six, about how much work it was going to be. Me, Ms. Maid of Honour, honourable maid to the bride, have to go everywhere and do everything with Oli. I'm getting a bit tired. It was all going to be so easy since they'd chosen their venue on the spot - a charming Inn about 30 kilometres away. A week later it was a charming Inn about 20 kilometres away. The week after that, a gorgeous old manor on the lake. Another week an art gallery, then a coffee house in the historic district, another art gallery in the historic district, a fermenting cellar in the historic district and currently, historic brewery in different historic district.

Umm, a brewery? This is the one place I haven't seen yet, so I'll just have to take her word for it. One place she definitely will not be getting married though, not if I have any say in it, is the Church.