Memoirs of a Fat Girl

OPENING SCENE: ROAD TO NOWHERE. WHITE PT CRUISER HUMS ALONG, OCCUPANTS CRANKY

Me: So what's on the agenda today, munchkins?

Raj: Today is your day, honey. You are broken hearted and we must ease that with coffee and chocolate.

Me: My favourite drugs. After you two, of course.

James: (snorts)

Me: Do you think I'll meet a nice man someday?

Raj: Yes darling, you'll meet a wonderful man who appreciates you and loves you very much.

James: THAT'S A LEFT.

(car swerves)

Me: Darling don't take this the wrong way but I thought we agreed that next time James would drive.

James: Yeah, I thought we agreed that next time James would drive.

Raj: Darlings we all know I'm the better driver. And considering I grew up in a different part of the world I think I'm doing very well.

James: Yes we forgot you lived in a tent in the desert before this. You sold your camel to rent this car for the month. WATCH OUT.

(car swerves)

Me: (rubbing my head) When I get a car in a few months I'm the official driver for us three.

Raj: Honey, how do you expect James to fit in a Mini Cooper?

James: (snorts)