Memoirs of a Fat Girl

Okay, enough dwelling, sulking and pouting. The general suck-fest is over, and it's time for Inventory.

Inventory is analyzing myself, physically and emotionally, shitpicking apart everything that needs to be changed, and putting together a plan to make it better. How can I be happy if I'm not happy with myself?

Being all gung ho about the matter is really nice and I'd normally get *right to it* if only Aunt Flo hadn't set up base camp this morning. The bitch is firing her cannons at my abdomen and laughing hysterically at my waistline, which never fails to expand once a month, vowing her revenge for my succesful victory just a few weeks back. What can I say, we have no love for each other, and it's a vicious cycle. At the very least, it's an excuse to get high on Ibuprofen and laze on the couch for an extra couple of days.

Fashion Fat Tip #5: Comfortably tight lycra undies for that time of the month are a must, both for fashion and function. If you haven't figured this out yet, you are either pre-teen, male, or just clueless.

Fat Sanity Tip #1: For heaven's sake woman, never weigh yourself during your period. If you're a water sucker like me you'll just be six to nine pounds heavier for no reason, which will lead to a depressing cry and a piece of chocolate (or the entire cheesecake). Hide the scale, wait it out and most importantly, sweat it off before welcoming the numbers drama back into your life.