Memoirs of a Fat Girl

Thursday, August 03, 2006

I don't like admitting this. I don't want to admit this. I would be perfectly happy keeping it tucked away forever, with the label, "To be Shredded."

The point is that although I don't like admitting it, I have to in order to let it go.

Why do I have to let it go?

I have opened my heart many times. I have only given it twice. Both times, I got burned.

The first time, I handled it the wrong way. I handled it so badly, it changed me for life.

And now here I am, burned again, wondering what on earth I did so shitty that I deserved to be treated this way, angry and hurt and all the rest of the crap that comes with it, that every so often I have to stop and gently remind myself, let it go. Let it go, because this is not who you want to be.

I am older, not necessarily wiser, but if there is one thing I know for certain, it is this: I have to let it go, so it will never happen again.

10 comments:

g string addict said...: *hugs* thats all i can say.

*big hug*

i havent met you yet, hopefully i have the chance to one day.; 5:25 AM
Hope said...: Letting it go would be PERFECT! And it may happen again...that's what love is. You have to play to win baby! Play so you can learn about yourSELF. Play so you can grow. Play so you can have FUN. Play with others who also want to SHARE...not just take. Have fun sister.

Besides...you have a beautiful pad to bring dates back to for drinks. : ); 9:25 AM
With Love, Fat Girl said...: b, I sincerely hope to meet you and the rest of the cherished group that is always reading and commenting. I said it in the post before and I'll say it here too: what would I do without my support system?

Mwa. That's another kiss.; 7:25 PM
Robert Mitchell L.L. said...: and not one word of this over sushi the other night? you hang in there and if you need any knee caps broken, you just let me know.; 8:05 AM
The Big Cheese said...: Just because you give your heart so freely. Doesn't mean they will give it back so easily.; 7:41 PM
With Love, Fat Girl said...: I know cheese, I know. That's a lesson we all have to learn sometimes.

Robert, thanks. I don't like releasing my angst during get togethers like that, unless it's a specific bitch fest. I'd rather hold hands with Lancey and scream in movie theatres when the gollums come knocking.

However, I'll take an raincheck on the broken knees. That might just come in handy some day. Mwa!; 8:05 PM
Mood Indigo said...: New reader - love your blog - glad someone else has ventured into sharing their lovelife and the ensuing heart breaks (very few people escape heart break all together - and I like to think it gives you a deeper appreciation when the right love comes a long, no matter how hard it is). Sounds like you are at the beginning of the break up process - it will take time but give yourself grace and relish in the opportunity to grow further into the person you're meant to be, without the distraction of a guy to get in the way!; 1:15 PM
Lance Morrison said...: I like Jaclyn. Let's keep her. Mood Indigo too, she's nice.; 6:53 AM
With Love, Fat Girl said...: Jaclyn & Mood Indigo, thanks for coming by, and do so often! I love having new people stopping over to read, and I love reading what they have to write too.

Heartbreak is heartbreak, it's just my little corner of the world right now. Fortunately it's a lot less every single day.

And Jaclyn, no creepy music allowed here, but the highest forms of flattery are... hope you enjoyed at least some of what I had to say!; 5:04 AM
Mood Indigo said...: thanks guys - I like it here :); 1:21 PM