Memoirs of a Fat Girl

Google up “Fat Jokes.” Go on. Notice how the internet is suddenly awash with Yo Mama?

Not that I generally allude myself to such bullshit, but here are a few tasties:

Yo mama’s so fat she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.

Yo mama’s so fat she was in the middle of the highway I tried to swerve but ran out of gas.

Yo mama’s so fat, her blood type is Ragu.

Yo mama’s so fat, she bungee jumped and fell straight to Hell.

… and etc. Now, google Yo Daddy. Lo and behold! Not much. Really, what we have here is a lacking fusion of pish and posh, since men don’t seem to be targeted towards anything specific, at least in this case.

Now, here’s my beef: there are just as many testosterone-ridden waddlers, a.k.a. fat men, on our great (pun intended) planet, so what the hell? I’m totally tempted to raise anarchy over this whole thing, but my approved by the Chiropractic Association of America mattress is looking mighty tempting right now, and my flight to the Land of Nod is about to take off. So, I’ll just leave you with this interesting little tidbit that I found on http://www.basicjokes.com/

Fat Theology

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetable of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?"

And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth chocolate. And woman gained pounds.

And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."

And Satan brought forth ice cream. And woman gained pounds.

And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.

And Man gained pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.

And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2.

And Man gained pounds.

And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil."

And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also.

And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol.

And Satan saw and said, "It is good."

And Man went into cardiac arrest.

And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

And Satan created HMOs.