The Calorie Chronicles: Herbal Magic

This is my latest, and I hope to make it the greatest. Remember last week's panic about going back to the program? Well, I did. Was too chicken to get weighed and haven't exactly started following the rules to the letter, but my waistline is thanking me. As is my waistband, which has eased up on its neediness. Nothing miraculous of course, it's just nice to not have to suck in every morning.

I found Herbal Magic in the phone book early into the year and called up for some information. The woman I spoke to sold me on the “I lost 135 pounds on this system,” which thrilled me to no end, and I ran in to join.

I know, I know. They’re all used car salesmen, dangling the carrot of hope at our noses. Women spend far too much on the promise of outer beauty, but I can’t do this on my own just yet. No matter what Dr. Phil says.

To make a long story short, Herbal Magic is named so for the herbs you take that will get you “magical” results. I figured that out myself. My current status is hungry, eagerly waiting with eyes closed and arms out for the magic to cuff me over the head.

So thrice a day I get to take a little white capsule from a bottle labeled Chromagic, and three blue capsules from another bottle called WM-2000. Chromagic has pretty sounding ingredients like brindall berry, dandelion & Siberian ginseng, while the WM-2000 is a blend of this and that to help support weight management. And, twice per week I go to their Village location, have a weigh-in and get some bonus vitamins on the side. Calcium, potassium and all that jazz apparently most needed for a healthy and balanced lifestyle.

Oh yes, I also follow a very sensible meal plan containing all four food groups. Clap Clap.

My Herbal Magic history has been rocky at best. Like I said, I called earlier this year and attended for a bit, then stopped going. Then attended, then stopped going. Then attended and then stopped going… I think there could be one or two more times in there… and here I am.

Why, why do I keep doing this to myself? Well, I lose ten pounds and I get cocky, what can I say. I give into a few whims, get sucked into the vortex that is my life, gain a couple of pounds and get ashamed to go back. Yep, ashamed. So I stew for awhile before finally coming to my senses, and kowtow my way back.

I’ve gained, I’ve stewed, I’ve come to my senses (ha!) and I’ve definitely kowtowed. Day by day, right? Keep the determination and don’t let the growlies bite. I can do this. I’ve done bigger things, so I can definitely do this.

I am woman, hear me roar. And right now I’m roaring, I think I'm going to be sick.

Once again, breathe.