You have to give a speech for the wedding. Did you know that? Of course you did. Did you start writing it? Of course you didn't. Think really hard and realize you have nothing to say. Either you're beyond caring, or you have gone totally insane. Panic.
Stare at your ass in the mirror. Smaller, yes. Charlize Theron-sized, no. Growl, kick something, then run out and buy yourself some Spanx.
Collect your shoes from the dye lady. Stunning. Read the warning dye lady has enclosed with shoes: get these wet, and watch them melt mauve puddles all over the aisle.
Check weather forecast for Saturday: storms.
Fuck.
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4 comments:
I was the best-man at a wedding a few years ago. I stood up, told some jokes in front of 100 strangers that had no idea who I was and why I was sweating so much. I kind of remember one person chuckling in the back, but later I heard it was an old lady that was choking on a crab puff. So...Good luck.
You're the sister - you are 100% entitled to simply get so vachlemt (oy, spelling?) that you can't speak, thereby making everyone tear up and toast your overwhelming love for your sis :)
hang in there !!!! you will write something awesome...leave it at home under your coffee cup, and the words that come out of your mouth on the fly WILL BE PERFECT!!!!!
with you in spirit sister if not internetly!!!!!
Cheese, where the hell have you been!!!! Bout time, man!
Thanks Mood, and Hope. I'm not a great talker without *some* form of organization, but no matter what, I do think a couple of martinis should tide the situation nicely.
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