Memoirs of a Fat Girl

Dear Lancey,

You are the absolute bestest. The bester bestest best everything in the whole wide world, and I consider myself very lucky to have your number in my cell phone directory.

As if it wasn't enough that you give the most orgasmic head massages AND transform my hair to a state of diva-like perfection, you were actually wonderful enough to think of me when one of your other clients just happened to mention that her company needed a writer. My interview is tomorrow at 3pm.

Even if nothing comes of this, I'm so glad to have the opportunity, and so glad to have YOU, sweetcheeks.

I just want you to know that you're loved, totally hot, and since you got a part-time job at that awesome store, I shall be groveling to you for discounts.

You are the cutest chachka in the world and I look forward to squeezing you very soon!

Love always,

Me