The Men and the Boys: Sandy

The summer of my 17th year was the summer I was determined to stave off Sandy.

I didn't want to stop being his friend though, and so we still kept talking and seeing each other. Sandy even came to see me on my birthday, and gave me a card with, "I think of you every day" written inside.

That made my heart pound, but I was steadfast. I never told Sandy how I felt or what I was doing, but he knew.

That July I started a summer school class. Still needed an arts credit and so I drew, painted and sculpted the weeks away. A very nice, good looking boy in class made it known that he liked me, but I was hesitant to go out with him. Just because I'd decided not to keep my hopes up for Sandy, didn't mean my feelings for him could just disappear.

Sandy, on the other hand, was experiencing his summer to the fullest, and confessed that he and his girlfriend had taken their relationship to the next level. Sex.

That made me sick to my stomach. It also confirmed that I should light a fire under my butt and get to know other people. I went out with the boy in my class.

It was a disaster. I was a disaster. Never go out with one person when you are so obviously in love with another. You'll just end up hurting someone who doesn't deserve it. I ended things quickly, albeit messily, and by the time twelfth grade rolled around, I was single again.

Sandy was starting University that year, and I called to wish him luck. He was happy to hear from me, and said he was only slightly nervous about this next big step. I laughed. I knew he was uneasy.

Our talk started getting heavier, more emotionally loaded. Things with the girlfriend were not going well, he said. He wasn't happy. That was nothing new. Conversation turned towards me, towards him, towards how we were together and all the good times we'd had. Sandy said something and I jokingly told him, "Come on, it's not like you loved me or anything like that."

He got very quiet, then said, "But I did." And, after another moment, "I do."

Very suddenly, I was struck dumb. I didn't know what to say. But when Sandy asked if I would be free for a date sometime, I very quietly, somewhat giddily told him, "Of course." I could hear him smiling on the other end. He had to go then, but made me promise to call soon.

I was walking on air. After all this time it would be me and Sandy, Sandy and me. We could finally be together, the way we were meant to. For the next couple of days, he was all I thought about.

I was very, very happy.

After giving Sandy a few extra days to get settled into his new life at University, I called him back. I was excited to talk to him again, and babbled on and on about us and how great everything would be. I talked so much and got so ahead of myself, I didn't notice how stiff he was on the other end.

Something was wrong. I toned down, but Sandy assured me he was okay. I knew he wasn't though, and started asking little questions here and there. Sandy wasn't talking and when he did, he was nervous, scared, and even a little bitter.

I was weirded out. I'd never heard him like this and despite what he was telling me, knew things weren't right.

After much gentle prodding. Sandy told me that something indeed was very, very wrong. After a few more minutes of pulling his teeth, he finally spilled the beans.

She was pregnant.