Memoirs of a Fat Girl

Inspired by Must Love Dogs, or at least by the fact that it always seems to be on The Movie Network whenever I flip through those channels, I made a visit to PerfectMatch.com. This is the site blatantly advertised throughout the film and, even though I have no intention of joining any type of dating service (within the limits of my current desperation, that is), their Similarity Test had me intrigued. I took it, and here's what PerfectMatch came up with:

Your Similarity Test Results: XAOV

(whatever that means)

Risk Averse, High Energy, Optimistic, Seeks Variety

(okay, you've got my attention)

You are averse to romantic impulsiveness, in part because you have high demands for the kind of person you will be with, and you don't want to make mistakes that complicate your life. You have a happy optimistic approach to life and you need a lot of stimulation. This means you might not make a firm attachment unless you have someone who can maintain the same curiosity about life and the same high energy. You find it harder than easier to find your counterpart. Looking for someone just like yourself will give you a better chance for a soul mate.

Wow. That's me all over. Who would've thought that something as hokey sounding as PerfectMatch, along with their in-house love specialist Dr. Pepper Schwartz, could get me right on the first shot?

Here's the less attractive part: apparently, PerfectMatch *has* my soul mate somewhere within the confines of their directory, and I can access him for the low low price of $99.90.

For some ridiculous, inane reason, I never pictured entering my Visa number in the space provided as the means to reaching my soul mate. Call me old fashioned, but I shouldn't have to worry about some punk hacker possibly stealing my credit card info while I'm on the prowl for true love.

How do I picture the situation? Easier. Spontaneous and unexpected. That whole, he-saw-me-across-a-crowded-room-and-knew-I-was-the-one crap, or, we-brushed-hands-reaching-for-the-same-mocha-latte hooha. Cliche, yes. Technologically friendly, no.

So in asking myself this, in going through my likes vs. dislikes and then looking at the events of the past few weeks, do I dare ask if sending an e-mail is an acceptable path to the heart?

Here's what my head says: intentionally, NO. It is not acceptable to send someone an e-mail and hope for true love. Extend arms out and slap each wrist: never, never not ever am I to send an e-mail to specifically *look* for love.

Accidentally though, that's okay. I'll take accidental. Or at least, unaccidental e-mail of pure intentions falling into the accidental category of what could possibly really be something. Really and truly, that is.

I see you need clarification. Rest assured that I even confused myself with that other sentence. Feed your soul with this:

Hi Sandy,

I'm hoping you're the right Sandy, though I'm pretty sure you are. There's no way to go about this without sounding completely awkward from the get go, but... this is you-know-who from way back when, our high school days to be exact.

I don't know if or how much you remember me; lately I've been wondering how and where you turned up, and google brought me here. Technology definitely has its moments.

So if this is the right Sandy, you do remember and I haven't totally shocked your week, please feel free to e-mail back.

Cheers.

You read right. I e-mailed my prom date.