Memoirs of a Fat Girl

I was in the car with Oli, and we were making a quick trip to the store. As Oli pulled into the parking lot, we both noticed a retro silvery blue VW beetle, and that’s when she said, “Hey, isn’t that a vintage Bug?”

I saw it coming a second too late, by then Oli had already socked me in the arm with a whooping, “PUNCH BUGGY BLUE! No pun…”

Ah, the memories of our youth, when we would beat each other senseless in the back seat over beetles seen and unseen. Of course this time around, before Oli could get the “No punch backs,” out in full, I’d cuffed her right back with a, “PUNCH BUGGY SILVER NO PUNCH BACKS!”

“It’s not silver!”

“It sort of is!”

“Alright then, PUNCH BUGGY SILVER BLUE NO PUN… Ow, fucker!”

“You can’t just go and combine colours like that! And I said no punch backs!”

“I can combine whatever I want! You ignored my first no punch back!”

“Cause you didn’t get it out properly! OW! What the hell?”

“I said (punch) PUNCH (punch) BUGGY (punch) BLUE (punch) NO (punch)PUNCH (punch) BACKS!”

“What (punch) the (punch) fuck?” (Keep in mind that throughout all of this, she’s still driving)

“Okay then, (punch) PUNCH (punch) BUGGY (punch) BLUE (punch) BLUE ([punch) SILVER (punch) NO (punch) PUNCH (punch) BACKS!”

“That’s (punch) what (punch) I (punch) said! You (punch ) wanna (punch) be (punch) like (punch) that? PUNCH (punch) BUGGY (punch) PEWTER (punch) NO (punch) PUNCH (punch) BACKS!”

“Pewter? (punch) PEWTER? (punch) IT’S (punch) NOT (punch) PEWTER!”

“It (punch) sort (punch) of (punch) is!”

“Stop!” (punch)

“You stop!” (punch)

And then, in unison: “Why (punch) are (punch) you (punch) still (punch) hitting (punch) me?”

Needless to say, we went into the store both rubbing our shoulders. I forecast a near future of bruises. No one loves a sister like a sister.