Memoirs of a Fat Girl

For weeks, Herbal Magic has been calling me. I haven’t been taking the calls or answering back because a long time ago I came to a decision, and I’ve been too much of a chicken shit to tell them.

When the fatties stop coming for their vitamins and don’t return the calls, they start getting letters. Mine arrived a few days ago, here it is:

Dear Client,

It is normal procedure for us to stay in contact with all of our clients. Most of the past clients we have contacted have successfully achieved their goal and are now maintaining their weight using the tools they learned throughout their program. It appears, however, that you stopped before reaching your goal.

No shit.

This is certainly understandable. Dieting is tough! We have helped so many clients attain their goal and we feel confident that we can help you too.

But what if I’m not so confident about that anymore?

Your file has been closed.

I won’t pretend that doesn’t sting, just a little bit.

Whether you have already reached your goal or would like support with maintenance, you may have a new goal in mind, we would like to take the opportunity to sit down and discuss all your options available.

There is nothing to lose by calling and booking a free re-evaluation!

Sincerely,

Herbal Magic

I can honestly say that of every diet program I have ever been on in my entire life, it was with Herbal Magic that I showed the littlest interest. Lord knows they were patient with me and always treated me well, but I was never really 100% with them.

Why? Maybe it wasn’t for me. Maybe I’m cheap, maybe I’m lazy, maybe I just don’t want it bad enough. Maybe I’m sick of programs and weigh-ins, or, maybe I just want to change my life by myself, one day at a time.

I gained all this myself, didn’t I? Now, I want to lose it myself. I’m almost 32-years old, after all. If I can buy my own clothes and drive my own car, why can’t I take the wheel over every aspect of my life?

With a deep breath I pick up the phone, dial Herbal Magic and tell the answering service Thanks for being patient with me, but I think I’m better off flying solo.

Coming from a competitive home, I am now programmed to feel like a quitter. I can’t help that, it’s hardwired into my system.

But I’m tired of it, tired of people telling me what I already know. Eat right. Exercise. Respect yourself. It’s not Herbal Magic, it’s the icing on the proverbial diet program cake. I mean, I’ve done this so many times. Shouldn’t I know the formulas well enough now to do it on my own?

Up to this point, where I am right now that is, how far have diet programs taken me?