Memoirs of a Fat Girl

Well, it’s very safe to say that I’ve possibly gone ahead and done the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life. My whole, entire, ridiculous life. And believe me, it’s getting more ridiculous by the second.

The Becel Ride for Heart takes place every June in my city. A major highway is shut down for the day, and the cars are replaced with hundreds, thousands of bicyclists all united in motion to cure heart disease. They collect their pledges, bless ‘em, and bike up to 75k to raise money for the Heart and Stroke Foundation.

I have always been in awe of these people, coupled by the fascination of wanting to exercise on a real live expressway, but never even thought of signing up. I haven’t significantly ridden a bike in years, and the thought of dying of a heart attack while in the midst of raising money for a heart foundation is a little too ironic.

I got my first pair of inline skates, Rollerblades, for my 18th birthday and haven’t looked back since. I love the freedom of it, the wind in my hair, the speed, every muscle in my body working as I push onward. I may have been a really fat girl on skates at 18, but boy, could I ever skate. I always thought, if Ride for Heart ever includes skaters, just maybe I’ll sign up.

I checked the site. They include skaters for 5k, 10k and 20k increments. In a moment of pure dementia, I signed myself up. For the 20k.

Here are the thoughts that were running through my head: “Wow, they finally let skaters in on the action! I so have to sign myself up!” So, I did.

Then, after seeing the 5, 10 and 20 kilometer distances, “Well, I can do the five no problem. 10’s totally doable, but 20, what an adventure! What a great way to get in shape too!” I checked off the 20 box.

After the forms had gone through and the screen congratulated me for being registered in Ride for Heart, I sat there with a smug smile on my face, full of self-indulged satisfaction that Wow, I’m going to skate 20k! I am daring, I am brave, I am going to attempt what I’ve never attempted before! I am Spartacus!

Five minutes later, after remembering that I haven’t done any serious skating in years, any serious exercise in months and that I’m nowhere near fit enough to do this, my thoughts somewhat altered.

Oh, man. I’m going to skate 20k.