Memoirs of a Fat Girl

Top 10 Things to Do when it’s official you’re Terminally Insane:

10) If you build it, He will come. Start building.

9) Reenact Ophelia’s madness for houseguests. Strew flowers.

8) Invent a new sorority, Kappa Delta Ya Ya. Make the uniform.

7) Bake dozens of pizzas just to spell out different words with the pepperoni.

6) Chase your childhood dreams and audition for the lead in Annie.

5) Quit your day job to become an alchemist. Claim you’ve cracked the formula for gold.

4) Run through the streets with your arms outspread, singing “Fly like an Eagle” at the top of your lungs.

3) Pierce your forehead. Convince everyone you meet that you’re just using the stud to fill up the bullet hole.

2) Design your own line of newspaper pirate hats. Sell them on street corners.

1) On a whim, sign yourself up for a 20k inline skate for charity knowing full well you haven’t done any serious rollerblading in a good two years.

Get out the butterfly nets.