Memoirs of a Fat Girl

“Think. The big fucking picture.”

-- James Gandolfini as Tony Soprano on The Sopranos

A gritty HBO mob drama is the last place you’d expect to hear pearls of wisdom, but Tony, or at least the writers of The Sopranos have a point here. If there’s anything I’ve been trying to beat through my head over the past year and some change, it’s that the big picture is the most important thing, at least far more important than just a tiny clip of it. The film is always more important than a single scene, just like the apple tree is more important than one apple.

My life is more important than just a day. You get it.

Now, I’ve been discussing my life with myself (who better to talk it over with, right?), and we’ve decided that this Monday morning is a good time to start. I know, I know, when one starts to turn the wheels of change that should always happen as a “now” and not a “tomorrow,” but I just like the idea of morning beginnings. It makes things feel more fresh.

So in light of this and on the subject of days, I get a last one. One Last Day, that is.

All fatties know the Last Day very well, it’s the day before the day of your “big change” where you excitedly allow yourself to eat absolutely anything you want, sky’s the limit. Why? ‘Cause come midnight, it’s all strict. You do what you want and in plenty of excess, because tomorrow is all about change.

I’ve had many last days, and even though I’m sure they were great at the time, they couldn’t have been that memorable because for the life of me, I can’t remember anything I ever ate.

But still, since my life is going to be one nice big change starting tomorrow, today I’m going hog wild! That’s right baby, it’s all about the cakes and the ice cream and the sumptuous world of fats! Oink oink!

Pause.

No, I’m not going to do that.

I’ve gone wrong far too many times on this road called Dieting, and the above is one shining example.

So we’re going to try something a little different this time. Wise choices is what it’s all about, and that’s got to be my new motto. No starving, no denial, no cutting everything out so the threat of pigging out looms just around the corner. You know how it works, you say no to chocolate forever and within the week you’ve got Nutella smeared all over your face.

Doesn’t matter that you’ve never eaten that much chocolate before in your entire life; the minute you said “No” to it all was the minute you wanted the stuff more than ever before.

If I’m going to cut out, it’s got to the for the most part, and not forever. Like coffee. With the exception fo extreme emergencies I just have to say, goodbye my darling; I’ll never forget our happy days. At least the weather is getting warmer, so my cravings for you are down to a minimum.

If it’s a bad thing but I really want it, and I’ve been good, then I can have it. Slow and steady wins the race, right? Argh. I don’t like slow and steady, I want to sprint around the track and call myself a winner. But I really think that in the long run, the slower route is the more guaranteed win. It worked for the tortoise.

So we’re going to start with some rules, minor ones, just so I can break myself into the system., but nothing so intense that’ll be too nuts to follow.

So, over this following week I will:

Drink at least 8 glasses of water a day
Drink at least one cup of green tea per day
Not eat after 7pm, and
Eat whole foods only. As in, the good stuff.

I will also rule one thing out: sugar. With the exception of coffee. For emergencies, that is. See? No extreme denial.

I won’t be having a last day, but in honour of all this hoopla I am going to have a last fun something. Not something overly fun either, if you get my drift, but lately I’ve been craving my comfort food of old and so tonight I made a bowl if it: Balkan yogurt covered with crushed walnuts, and drizzled in honey.

Then again, why should that be a last anything? Yoghurt, nuts and honey are whole foods and therefore, plenty good for me. Maybe not for everyday, but good nonetheless.

Oh and, Wednesday morning I have to be at work by 8am. Predicting a coffee emergency.

Cheers.