Memoirs of a Fat Girl

Why I Hate My Job, Reason #68: Being cowed into scheduling changes.

Why I Love My Job, Reasons 20&21: Food and Sex

After endless semesters of computer, art and oh-so-special classes, I have finally been vindicated with two most interesting courses: Nutrition, and Human Sexuality.

Anything that can teach me more about healthier eating and better screwing is, in my opinion, gold.

Due to scheduling conflicts (see above reason #68), the sex class will start late. My outstanding performance in the shrine de l’amore, a.k.a Sandy’s bedroom, will just have to wait. But Nutrition, I can talk about that.

Nutrition Class The First

Assemble in class. Mia looks nervous. I can understand why, she’s out of her design element. Reassurances all around. Enter, teacher.

Muscles di Fazio (why am I surrounded by so many Italians?) is soft-spoken, balding, and has biceps to spare. Think the impossible lovechild of Colm Feore and Mr. Clean.

After the obligatory introduction, attendance and curriculum skip through, class began with Muscles’ personal mantra: Health is the mental, social and physical well-being in the absence of disease.

It was easy to assume this was his mantra. He wrote it on the board three times. It’s easy to accept, too, that we are healthy inside and out if the sickness is not there.

Next, nutrients. For quick and easy explanation, Muscles said that A nutrient is something in food that we need.

Now, what exactly is it that we need? Micro and macro nutrients of course, stuff like protein calcium, carbohydrates, fats and iron. All necessary in certain bits and pieces for one’s DRI: Dietary Recommended Intake.

Bla bla bla. Oh yes, and, coconut oil & herbal teas are delightfully good for you. Just not together, unless a chef has inspired something dramatic to combine the two.

To be honest, the whole lecture was a jumbled mess. First classes usually are. Figures here, vitamins there, this is bad and this is good and just make sure you don’t yadda yadda.

Talking instead of really listening didn’t help, and never will be – part of my job, see – but I’ll get it soon. I always do. And, Nutrition Class The First wasn’t a total loss.

Take, for instance, what Muscles said halfway into the lesson: Man cannot live on bread alone.

Aha. I believe I said something on the same vein in a Calorie Chronicles episode. Leading nutritionists and myself agree that if you’re going to be a healthy bug, skip off the straight lettuce.

If you’re going to be a healthy bug, skip off the lettuce diet. Actually, just skip off the diet, period.

Just a few days until Nutrition Class The Second…