Memoirs of a Fat Girl

Back to the drawing board means going back to basics. Going back to basics means, once again, going back to where it all fell apart.

If my body was that important to me, if this better health and well-being thing was at the top of my list, why did I let it happen? How could I have let it go?

I’d accomplished at least part of my goal for Oli’s wedding. I didn’t get down to where I wanted to go, but I was decently satisfied with the September 23rd result.

After that, things just got busy. I had work, I had school, I had dashing to and fro with minutes to spare, grabbing whatever I could in the meantime, just for the sake of having a meal.

And then, I had Sandy. Breakfasts in bed, downtown lunches, afternoon café stops and romantic dinners with Sandy. The fact that we’re both food snobs doesn’t help; neither do his exceptional kitchen skills.

With Sandy, a meal isn’t a meal so much as an experience. We have excellent times, he and I, excellent times laced with gorgonzola cheese with cherry preserves on walnut crackers; parmesan drizzled with aceto balsamico; baby greens with radicchio and honey vinaigrette; homemade prosciutto drowned with glasses of amarone, and some candied ginger for extra snap.

Giggling, we feed one another, then share a shot of chocolate grappa before moving on to the next experience: each other.

It’s quite the drug. When two people are as much a part of the moment as the food, it’s a hard thing to give up.

Fall flew into winter, which flew into the holiday season, which was office party after brunch with friends after dinners upon dinners upon dinners with family. January, back to work, back to rushing, back to here.

So, here we are. Here I am. It’s funny in one way, that after I’ve listed every excuse in the book, I find that I really had none to begin with.
But it is what it is and, that said, the one thing I can proud of is that while I did loosen my grip, I didn’t let go. I haven’t gained any extra weight.

Then again, when I look back on the past few months, it was exactly the amount of time that I needed to get this finished once and for all.

Sigh. Dieting sucks. So does Inventory, which I’m going to have to do again. Is there any better way to remind a girl of her shortcomings, than standing buck naked in front of the mirror?