Memoirs of a Fat Girl

Just yesterday, I got a few texts from Oli:

Her: HI! HOW ARE YOU!

Me: I’M GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?

Her: FABULOUS! I LOVE IT HERE! MAUI IS GORGEOUS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Me: I’M AT WORK.

Her: DID YOU GET MY TEXT YESTERDAY?

Me: YES. SWEETIE, WHY ARE YOU TEXTING ME FROM YOUR HONEYMOON?

Her: WHY NOT?

Me: YOU’RE ON YOUR HONEYMOON!

Her: SO?

Me: AREN’T THERE ANY SIGHTS TO SEE OR SEXUAL ADVENTURES TO BE HAD?

Her: YES, WE RENTED MOPEDS YESTERDAY AND SAW A VOLCANO.

Me: AND?

Her: AND WHAT?

Me: GO DO SOMETHING UNMENTIONABLE TO YOUR HUSBAND!

Her: YOU’RE SO BOSSY!

Me: BECAUSE YOU’RE SO STUPID!

Her: SHITHEAD!

Me: DUMBASS!

Her: MUCH LOVE, SIS

Me: MUCH LOVE BACK