Monday, September 15, 2008

Resurgence. For now, anyway.

Starbucks The Way I See It #286
Hypocrisy is annoying, but not evil. Someone who says one thing and does another has doubled their chances of being half right.
- Penn Jillette, Magician

According to this, I’m annoying but not evil. I said one thing and did another, that is, I said I’d be back a long time ago. I didn’t do that.

I suppose in one way, that makes me a hypocrite. My return, my homecoming, my long-awaited, triumphant welcome back – to be most celebrated by myself, believe me – was delayed. Much longer than I would have liked.

At first, I didn’t want to write. I don’t like admitting that, but it’s true. I’ll call it Burnout. I’d written so much, sometimes so often, that ever now and then it felt like I was writing because I had to, not because I wanted to. Many of my posts in the last while were half-ass, which for me, is unacceptable. I didn’t like that and so, I didn’t write at all.

Then I wanted to write again, but stifled myself not to. It was for noble reasons: I spent the better part of my time that I would have spent writing here, trying to get a job. There were successes and there were failures, but there were changes. I’ll get into those later.

The past few months was supposed to be a grand return, signaled by this newer, grander layout. And I wanted it to be that way, but despite my best intentions, that didn’t come to pass. I could bog you down with excuses and reasons and stories alike, that I tried but I couldn’t, blah this and blah that, but I’m here to tell it and not whine, so I’ll be as quick as possible.

It’s been a bitch of a summer. It was supposed to be three months of discovery, of learning, of eating better, of yoga and weekend trips and writing, writing, WRITING, especially here, to keep with the journey that I started, now so long ago, and very desperately want to see finished.

Instead, to sum it up as quickly as possible without turning this into a rant, it went more like this:

My father was sick.
There was an overseas cousin.
A baby was born (not mine).
My dog was sick.
My dog was sick.
I was sick.
My dog was sick.
There was a wedding (not mine).
There was another wedding (really, not mine).
My dog was sick.

The sickness bits, not a one, were attached or intertwined. All new things, crazy things, that led to a lot of panic and stress. That’s all I’m going to say about that.

Usually when I’m gone for such long periods of time I apologize to you all, then I spend weeks or months ridiculously trying to catch you up on what you’ve missed. With the story of my life, that is. I’ll keep to the apologies, I am truly sorry it’s been so long; for the most part, I had really, really good reasons to be away. With some exceptions, I won’t be writing too much about this past year either, and especially not about the past few months. I really don’t want to relive any of it; to be honest, I’m just glad it’s all (hopefully) over.

I’m ready to be here. I’m ready to be back and I’m ready to write, even if it is going to be on a more truncated schedule. Girls digging their heels into their careers have to divide their time among other tasks, too. I’m ready to be here, and I hope you’re ready for me… those of you who are left, that is. Thanks for sticking by me.

And now, if fate will grant me this one kind favour of some quiet time and a perfectly uneventful near future, meaning, nothing like what this past summer has been, then I can start again.

There is still much more to tell.

5 comments:

Mrs. Loquacious said...

Welcome back! :) Ironically, it is now my turn to be on hiatus. The excuse is a good one though...I'm moving!

Don't apologize for taking time out to live life. Life itself demands enough of our apologies. In the blogosphere, this is where we can claim a spot without having to justify it to anybody. :)

Laural Dawn said...

Glad you're posting. Sorry I haven't been in touch. My reasons are different, but you know, LIFE.
Hope all is well and your dog is better

b said...

welcome back ;) and looking forward to those posts!!!

Jackie said...

I'm so happy you are back! Love this blog!

deb_dee said...

I'm so happy you're back as well! I love your blog!!!