Memoirs of a Fat Girl

Dear Cat Owning Neighbours,

While I do consider myself a dog person, I would never go all out to say that I actually "hate" cats. I do not hate anything. However, you are furthering my dislike of these creatures by letting your felines crap on my terrace.

While we must be at a certain odds with each other because that is the way between dog and cat people, I do not whatsoever appreciate wasting my very valuable time shoveling shit with a garden trowel. Let us take a tally of the damage thus far:

Monday: 7 turds
Tuesday: 5 turds
Wednesday: 3 turds
Thursday: 3 turds
Friday: 4 turds

I always found it amazing of the reprimand that dog owners face if caught not picking up their doodies, while outside cats are free to roam and do as they like. Remember this: Just because you don't see what your cat does, doesn't mean she isn't doing anything at all. You may not be picking up after her, but it's very likely that someone else is.

Furthermore, if I actually wanted to live in a litter box, I would let my dog run hog wild throughout my home.

Should this arrangement continue, I will be forced to resort to more extreme measures. Don't come crying to me when your cats are running through your townhouses with paws covered in chili powder. And should one of the village dogs all of a sudden become, oh, predisposed to terrorizing cats when he was never allowed to before, you all had it coming.

While I am sorely tempted to leave a bag of flaming dog poo at your doors, I must remind myself that I am out of grade school and this would reflect badly upon me, if discovered. Then again, I haven't been pushed past my limits yet. I ask you not to test that.

Sincerely,

The Ticked Off Resident