Memoirs of a Fat Girl

Hey kids,

This morning I was going to regale you all with more decor tales, alas, I was called away last night and didn't have time for a decent write up.

Tomorrow you shall see it, but for now, we again resort to meme-lane. While I totally hate the word "meme" because it sounds like something someone with a serious stuttering problem would say over and over again, right now, here, is the perfect time for it: rainy and gross! Enjoy, and Airam, consider yourself tagged. Only because I don't know anyone else who would do this!!!

(However if you would like to do this consider yourself tagged too, then I'll know for the future).

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? His middle initial is W. Do the math.

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be? Definitely, without thinking twice, New Kids on the Block, a.k.a. the pox of planet earth.

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? Ben Mulroney. Seeing that idiot on TV makes me want to pull an Elvis and actually shoot the tube. That total dimwit, the son of a former (also dimwitted) prime minister, thought that Che Guevara was a musician. Would you not want to punch him too?

4. What is your favorite cheese? The stinkier, the better! Though I am partial to an edgy gorgonzola....

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make? A Montreal bagel, toasted & slathered with a real, great quality cream cheese, and smoked salmon. Nice and simple.

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Oh Eric Bana... I promise I won't tell... if Eric is indisposed, then Christian Bale...

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick? For some reason, Chad Kroeger, the lead singer of Nickelback, has been mighty appealing lately.

8. Now that you've slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it? Wow, the whole hundred, huh? Seeing as I need some nice Ikea shelves right now, I'd put it towards that.

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Morocco, hands down. That's my dream trip.

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do? Well duh, I'd go to the bank and get it changed to dirhams. Then, off to the spice market!

11. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is...? I'm not a hard core drinker, so I'll have to be boring and say red wine. It'll save me a lot of money for all those dinner parties.

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there? The Dark Ages. I'd like to know, what exactly made them so dark? :)

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? Toupees not allowed. Anyone wearing one gets thrown to the sharks.

14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what's the premise? Didn't I already answer this at some point? Gay Survivor! And by that I mean the most diva girly boys you could think of, living in total squalor without their makeup. Quality television, my friends.

15. What is your favorite curse word? Fuck, hands down. Anyone who knows me can attest to this.

16. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do? Take strong hold of one end of dangling fabric, and pull...

17. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don't worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what's the item? My cameras.

18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour? I'd be all sombre and say, tell everyone I love them, but this is a meme for Pete's sake, so I'm going to say, have a half hour of the best sex EVER!

19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be? Everyone wants to fly, and I'm no different. Harry Potter, eat your heart out.

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? The prom, dancing at the top of that boat with Sandy. I know, too cheesy for words...

21. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? (the answer "nothing" doesn't count) One particular ex-boyfriend, no surprise.

22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit... you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin'! What country are you going to live in now? London England, to my nice little townhouse in Notting Hill. Oh I do love it there....

23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be? The funkiest pub I could find.

24. Hopefully you didn't mention this in the super-powers question.... If you did, then we'll just expand on that. Check it out... Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like "Dude, check it out... I can FLOAT!"? David Copperfield. Nya Nya, I can float without Photoshop...

25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life? Beethoven. Then I'd chain the maestro to a living room chair and force him to give me piano lessons until he dropped dead again.

26. The Celestial Gates of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn't think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? The one grandparent I never met, my dad's dad, but just for an hour or so chat.

27. What's your theme song? It changes all the time but today, it's Icky Thump by the White Stripes.

Icky Thump
With a lump in my throat
Grabbed my coat
And I was freaking
I was ready to go!

Happy Thursday everyone!