Memoirs of a Fat Girl

Almost 1700 of the biscuits I made went to Loulou. Tiny, thin, cheddar garlic biscuits shaped like bones and put in little paper bags, in batches of three or so, sealed with a sticker that said "Biscuit Dog Apparel." That's Loulou's fledgling company.

These biscuits took me one week. When I was done, I waited a day before starting up again, and ignored every yearning in my body to hold a sacrificial burning for that fucking cookie cutter.

It took me another week to flesh out some new recipes, or as I like to call it, fuck up time. I thought out some funky flavours, I experimented, I baked plenty of screw ups but even more successes, and here's what I eventually came up with: Froo Froos, Dumbos, Georgia Blues, Mac Daddies and Johnny Pumps.

Froo Froos look like crackers, and are flavoured with gruyere cheese and rosemary. I call them that because if your dog is eating gruyere, that makes the both of you pretty damn froo froo. They are actually very tasty; Oli couldn't stop snacking on them.

Dumbo was an elephant, elephants like bananas and peanuts, and so I named the banana, peanut butter, honey & oat mini scones Dumbos. If Oli couldn't stop snacking on Froo Froos, she had no limit with Dumbos. Said they tasted better than granola bars.

Georgia Blues are long, thin, crunchy rectangles flavoured with blueberry and peach. Detoxifying, good for their tetth, and as rated by Oli: "These taste like dog biscuits." Duh.

Mac Daddies were the biggest pain in the ass to make, but the most rewarding in the end. Also mini scones, they are chock full of grated sweet potato and maple syrup, and I must admit, is some of the tastiest dough I've ever had the pleasure to try. It was almost a shame to bake. Yes, I caught Oli trying to sneak several in her pocket.

Last but never least, my signature cookie: strawberry pecan biscuits shaped like Johnny Pumps, or, the term New Yorkers use for fire hydrants. Bluetooth's favourite, and my mother's too. Needless to say, everything I made was people tested.

It took another week to make these (hundreds and hundreds) of biscuits, which in the end were all packed into small, cellophane bags, tied with a metallic red twisty and a tag with an animated fire hydrant on it.

The hydrant the logo of my company. Not so much my fledgling company; very much my fledgling attempt.