Memoirs of a Fat Girl

Not much sleep, that is.

Inspired by my stupidity and brazen first kiss, Marco had brought on the second kiss, then the third, fourth, fifth and so on. Actually he kept bringing them on for about three hours and after that, got even more inspired. And even more brave.

It was the most intense experience of my life, being with Marco. Imagine dreaming about something, waiting for over a decade and then finally getting there. It's so much more than the cool drink of water after crossing the desert, it's like paradise after the gutter. And looking into his eyes, I knew he felt the exact same way. It was so passionate, so beautiful. We saw stars. We were knock knock knockin' on heaven's door. It was so incredible that we knew right then and there we were meant for each other and could never be apart. Imagine my shock and surprise when he got down on one knee and said what I'd been waiting to hear my whole life: "Will you marry me?"

Of course I accepted, he made me a ring out of chewing gum and then we got right to work conceiving our twins. That's right, I'm pregnant. After the babies are born we will move to Costa Rica and set up a catering busines with a menu that revolves around bananas. We love bananas because they are tasty, yellow and phallic. You're completely bananas if you believe any of this.

Hooey, the whole load. Most of it anyway. So, what really did happen with Marco?

The first part is true. My idiocy did inspire him, and he took the lead. Very slowly, very gently. Marco knows how neurotic I am and nicest of all, Marco doesn't push. It was wonderful to be kissed.

After a few minutes we got tired of standing and settled into bed where we made wild, insane, vein-popping love. Nah, fooled you again. I love to kid my darlings mostly because the real answer isn't nearly so interesting: we talked. Kissing occasionally, but talking more. A lot of years to catch up on, remember. Until the wee hours of the morning we were all words, closeness, and his fingers playing with my curls, one by one. His hands never strayed beyond that. Marco was always the gentleman. Sweet. Innocent.

Shortly before the sun came up, we drifted off. I woke up to blue skies in my cupcake pajamas, tangled up in floral sheets and in a man's arms. A man I'd vowed a long time ago to never touch. And for the first time in many years, a man that wasn't Jess.

I wanted to be happy. I thought I would be happy. Instead, my heart dropped into my stomach and my mouth went dry. Something wasn't right.

This is when I started to pull away.