Day 9 1/2: Jerash

A few minutes after the end of our Scrabble game, the typhoon that was Raj blew through the apartment clapping his hands and shrieking, "People! PEOPLE! HURRY UP PEOPLE!"

Today Raj is taking us to the ruins of the ancient Roman city of Jerash. Unless he melts down first or snaps one of his fingers right off, which is very likely. We are behind schedule and according to Raj, it is all our faults. Never mind we were ready and he wasn't; never mind he was late and we were on time. This is Raj, and if it's not handled with mounting blood pressure and hissy fits, it's not handled at all. So with a final "Get in the fucking car already people, we're late!", we pack into the Toyota and zoom off.

But wait! We're hungry. We start to whine. James wheedles and I pull Raj's ears from the backseat. This is what happens when we're demoted to "people." Most grudgingly and very loudly, Raj pulls over to a sandwich place, insults us and studies his nails while we file out to order. "You people are going to disturb my corpse when I'm dead and buried," he claims. Uh huh. As long as we're not hungry when that happens.

Saj (rhymes with Raj) is an Arabic form of sandwich that is a cross between naan and a giant burrito. Instead of a flour tortilla, imagine a piece of naan about a foot and a half in diameter, spread thinly with your choice of toppings, then rolled up, wrapped up, and presented for eating in the form of a mini baseball bat.

Mine was filled with haloumi cheese; I wasn't feeling too adventurous. About halfway through I regretted being toppings stingy and pouted until James finished it. That done, I dug into my piece of saj filled with bananas and nutella that we had gotten to share. Beautiful.

Just under an hour's drive away from Amman is Modern Jerash, and the ruins of Old Jerash are right beside it. You pay the fee, get stared down, and enter the ruins to wander at will. Earlier I'd harped on how boring ruins are, but Jerash is marvelous. It's an entire city, not just pieces of ruined city dotted throughout an existing one. We had arrived late (as Raj kept reminding us by pointing at his watch), but in the long run that turned out to be better because we had virtually the whole place to ourselves. We also had Adham.

Adham was a skinny little 13-year old street urchin with a knit cap and dirty jeans. He'd ambushed us right after the amphitheatre, wanting to know if we were interested in seeing a moving column. We said no. Turned out Adham didn't take no for an answer. He followed us for ten more minutes, ignored Raj brushing him off and finally appealed to James, saying, "Big man, would you and your wife like to see the moving column?"

Wife? For fuck's sakes! Here I am with three different men and I'm stuck married to James again. That snap question made everyone laugh (except me), James explained that I was NOT his wife (thank the lord) and, curiosity piqued, we went to see the moving column.

Adham moved the column by putting a coin underneath a crack and did something illusory to make it seem like it was turning. Impressive. We moved on and so did he, spouting all kinds of interesting Jerashian tidbits. Jerash is one of the best preserved Roman cities in the East. The roads were constructed by Emperor Trajan. The two gigantic, rectangular stones on top of the forum were actually hollow and made high pitched noises during severe winds, warning the citizens of tornadoes. Lions were kept in this old stable; here were the scratch marks from their claws.

Adham knew the history and city so well, we guessed he'd grown up sneaking through the gates and tagging along with unsuspecting tour guides. He took us to all the secret corners and alleyways of Jerash; showed us which staircases to climb, which secret doorways to go through, and which dark spaces to stay away. Weak floors. And when Adham quipped that he was in the market for a wife (every 13-year old's priority, I'm sure), James piped up that I was for sale. Fuck off, James. Well, he'd probably never been thrilled about being my husband, either. Adham's eyes lit up, a big smile crossed his face, and he offered two million camels for my hand in marriage. I guess he liked older women.

Well, two million camels is a lot of camels. And, according to James' gay mind and calculations, Adham was a seriously cute kid who would grow up to be a ravishing 33-year old when I was 50. Not a bad deal. What the hey. For the rest of our Jerash tour, my fiancee traipsed around me most protectively, saying as often as he could, "James, don't touch my wife!"

Tour over, we said our goodbyes, but not before Adham hit us up for an extra large tip. Scoundrel. He was smart enough to ask *each one* of us individually too, and not accept just one payment as a group. He made a killing. Then he asked for a kiss, and I gave him one on the cheek. We parted ways with Adham jingling his pockets and pointing his finger, warning, "James, don't touch my wife!"

There was one more stop before we left Jerash, and that was to the merchants quarter where the souvenirs were sold. I wasn't in the market for baubles today, but there was one stall I was very interested in. Sinbad the painter sold his work from a tent where every square inch, ceiling included, was covered in art. There were belly dancers, fortresses, Bedouins, gypsy girls, horses, nudes, abstracts, every topic under the sun. His work was magnificent. I bought a huge abstract of a heavily jewelled woman with long, light hair and solid black eyes, and a man standing behind her. Sinbad told me it was called "The Meeting," and happily added that I was getting a special discount for bringing my friend, husband and brother along. Of course I was used to James being my husband by now, but brother? Sinbad pointed to Raj. Aha. This man thought I was Raj's sister. My dark hair and tanning sessions haven't been for naught. I have been mistaken for an Arab. Mission accomplished.

James, Raj and Marco finished up their souvenir shopping just as the tents were coming down. Jerash was closing up for the day, and it was time to go home. We walked back to the car and Raj had the key in the door's lock, when a pickup truck sped by and Adham popped out the window. Arms up and a huge grin on his face he yelled out, "JAMES, DON'T TOUCH MY WIFE!"